Hello and Welcome to my blog! I am Brittany. A 26 year old housewife and dog momma who is all about saving money and being fabulous. I am a beauty/fashion/lifestyle vlogger and blogger. You can visit my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/thriftfabulous I hope you can learn a few things and save some money along the way.
Monday, September 29, 2014
September Thrift Haul is UP!
If you haven't checked it out, please do so, I found some kickass Coach boots and lots of other things!
My Story...How I battled Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Disorder
So this is going to be my story, and I sincerely hope it helps some of yall who may be struggling also.
I"m 26 now, but lets fast forward...
For those of you who don't know, I was born premature at barely 26 weeks. My mother had preeclampsia, in which she gained 90 pounds of water and couldn't carry me full term. Luckily, we both lived. I was only on oxygen a few hours and was able to breathe on my own. I only weighed 1 pound 4 oz and had a heart murmur, It closed when I was 4 and was brought home 3 months after I was born. I had a heart monitor and it would go off and scare my parents to death. When I was an infant, I would shake and my Granny(my father's mother who is now passed) would say "that's that baby's nerves". My mom wrote her off saying I was just cold. Little did we know I would go through a whirldwind of bad nerves later in life. I developed pretty normally except for being late on things. Crawling,walking, cutting teeth, talking, potty training etc.
Fast forward a few years to around 4th grade. I was a smart kid and always had initiative to learn. My mom would read to me and teach me my basic afraid that I may have a learning disability. I was smaller than my peers even though I started school a year late. But my body was maturing way faster than everyone else's. I was in full blown puberty by age 9. My breasts were much larger than my friends which caused my to get picked on endlessly and I couldn't understand why. At that age you're not at all comfortable with your body and the changes it's going through. By 5TH grade, I was a C cup and had started my period. I felt so ashamed and that fact that everyone picked on me saying I stuffed my bra didn't make it any better.
By 6th grade I had moved schools because it was closer to my dad's job. My first year there I didn't get picked on much, but by middle school, which is 7th, and 8th grade for me through high school girls and some boys were so mean to me. I felt different and no matter what I wore, or did, even if it were the same things my friends were doing, they still gave me pure hell. In 7th grade I got my first boyfriend and the first guy I ever kissed. We broke up 4 months later.
One evening, I was sitting at the dinner table and the last thing I remember was taking a bite of steak. The next thing I remember was waking up in an ambulance and saying I was fine. I had had a seizure and my dad had to get the piece of steak out of my mouth so I didn't choke. I had trouble remember things for about 3 months after that and was very sore for about a week after.
The doctors did test after test and concluded that it was my nerves that made me have the seizure. I haven't had one sense.
By my Freshman year of high school, I found I could use my overly developed body to get the attention/acceptance I longed for from boys, since I wasn't getting it from females. I had had a couple innocent little boyfriends before my Freshman year, but Freshman year was when shit got real.
I feel alot of pressure from girls because they were already having sex and I hadn't went beyond kissing. I got a boyfriend my Freshman year who was a Senior and we messed around but we didnt have sex. He was the first person I had given a part of myself to which in turn, made my self -esteem go down the toliet.
My junior year, I had met an older boy who I wanted so badly to be in a relationship with. I was a virgin at this time still and I felt I wanted to lose my virginity to this man. He did not however want me to lose my innocence. So, I went on a date with a boy from my school and I lost my virginity to him without any feelings whatsoever and it completely broke me. I felt he had taken advantage of me because he knew I was a virgin. For years this hurt me to the core and I believed for a long time I was raped emotionally.
I ended up quitting high school 2 weeks into my senior year because I couldn't handle the stress of boys being in my school who had hurt me or this guy I had dated for 4 months my junior year of high school that ended badly that ended up in one of classes. I looked back at those days of my life in the mind set I am now and want to smack myself. I had trouble with rejection then and didn't know how to cope.
The first time I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital was when I was 19. And would have 4 stays total. They were many times I wanted to be dead than in the world even though I had a loving mother and father but not getting acceptance from female friends or boyfriends took a tole on my mind. I thought happiness was having a man who loved you and wanted to marry you. Since my mother and father met when they were 13 and are still together, I longed for that love story.
When I 20, I had started dating a guy who works with my father. We were serious and we almost got engaged. However, he was very controlling. His mother had met a man online when he was 18 and fled. He thought that if I was on the computer, I would do the same and was very jealous. I smoke cigarettes, and he didn't like it. I was always extremely close with my Granny, and had quit smoking, but family members called and said their was nothing they could do for her and my Dad told me to get me a cigarette to calm down. At that time, the guy walked in and was pissed because I had a cigarette and left. We tried getting back together about a month later but things didn't work out.
In my mind at that time, their was no other way but him. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man and thought that if I couldn't have him, I didn't deserve anything else.I thought he was treating me the way he did because he loved me, not because he had control issues. I didn't know any different. Once again, my self esteem was down the toliet.
Since he works with my Dad, and my Dad's work is right beside their house, I would see him in passing. Once night, his truck was in the joint driveway and that sent me into a panic. I thought I was having a heart attack but I went to the ER and it was panic attack. Later, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with panic disorder.
Now years later, I am happily married to a man that loves me and showed me what true love really is. Trust, loving someone no matter what, seeing things in you you may not see yourself. Even though at first I was that easy to love. I was on the wrong medication and it made me depressed rather than helping and I would throw myself pity parties. Until I saw how other people have it hard, and have way less than I do, and just gaining life experience, the right medication, and Jesus Christ, was I finally able to realize that I am worth love and being happy. I finally love my life and myself. Even though I have gained weight since I had what I would consider to be a "perfect body" at 17, I love myself more now and more and more every day. So just remember that you are worthy of happiness and love and self worth. It will get better. If you are struggling with anything I recommend seeing your doctor and getting refered to a psychiatrist or counselor so you can work things out and get on the right medication if you need it.
Here is the video--
Be Thrifty and Stay Fabulous
Brittany
I"m 26 now, but lets fast forward...
For those of you who don't know, I was born premature at barely 26 weeks. My mother had preeclampsia, in which she gained 90 pounds of water and couldn't carry me full term. Luckily, we both lived. I was only on oxygen a few hours and was able to breathe on my own. I only weighed 1 pound 4 oz and had a heart murmur, It closed when I was 4 and was brought home 3 months after I was born. I had a heart monitor and it would go off and scare my parents to death. When I was an infant, I would shake and my Granny(my father's mother who is now passed) would say "that's that baby's nerves". My mom wrote her off saying I was just cold. Little did we know I would go through a whirldwind of bad nerves later in life. I developed pretty normally except for being late on things. Crawling,walking, cutting teeth, talking, potty training etc.
Fast forward a few years to around 4th grade. I was a smart kid and always had initiative to learn. My mom would read to me and teach me my basic afraid that I may have a learning disability. I was smaller than my peers even though I started school a year late. But my body was maturing way faster than everyone else's. I was in full blown puberty by age 9. My breasts were much larger than my friends which caused my to get picked on endlessly and I couldn't understand why. At that age you're not at all comfortable with your body and the changes it's going through. By 5TH grade, I was a C cup and had started my period. I felt so ashamed and that fact that everyone picked on me saying I stuffed my bra didn't make it any better.
By 6th grade I had moved schools because it was closer to my dad's job. My first year there I didn't get picked on much, but by middle school, which is 7th, and 8th grade for me through high school girls and some boys were so mean to me. I felt different and no matter what I wore, or did, even if it were the same things my friends were doing, they still gave me pure hell. In 7th grade I got my first boyfriend and the first guy I ever kissed. We broke up 4 months later.
One evening, I was sitting at the dinner table and the last thing I remember was taking a bite of steak. The next thing I remember was waking up in an ambulance and saying I was fine. I had had a seizure and my dad had to get the piece of steak out of my mouth so I didn't choke. I had trouble remember things for about 3 months after that and was very sore for about a week after.
The doctors did test after test and concluded that it was my nerves that made me have the seizure. I haven't had one sense.
By my Freshman year of high school, I found I could use my overly developed body to get the attention/acceptance I longed for from boys, since I wasn't getting it from females. I had had a couple innocent little boyfriends before my Freshman year, but Freshman year was when shit got real.
I feel alot of pressure from girls because they were already having sex and I hadn't went beyond kissing. I got a boyfriend my Freshman year who was a Senior and we messed around but we didnt have sex. He was the first person I had given a part of myself to which in turn, made my self -esteem go down the toliet.
My junior year, I had met an older boy who I wanted so badly to be in a relationship with. I was a virgin at this time still and I felt I wanted to lose my virginity to this man. He did not however want me to lose my innocence. So, I went on a date with a boy from my school and I lost my virginity to him without any feelings whatsoever and it completely broke me. I felt he had taken advantage of me because he knew I was a virgin. For years this hurt me to the core and I believed for a long time I was raped emotionally.
I ended up quitting high school 2 weeks into my senior year because I couldn't handle the stress of boys being in my school who had hurt me or this guy I had dated for 4 months my junior year of high school that ended badly that ended up in one of classes. I looked back at those days of my life in the mind set I am now and want to smack myself. I had trouble with rejection then and didn't know how to cope.
The first time I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital was when I was 19. And would have 4 stays total. They were many times I wanted to be dead than in the world even though I had a loving mother and father but not getting acceptance from female friends or boyfriends took a tole on my mind. I thought happiness was having a man who loved you and wanted to marry you. Since my mother and father met when they were 13 and are still together, I longed for that love story.
When I 20, I had started dating a guy who works with my father. We were serious and we almost got engaged. However, he was very controlling. His mother had met a man online when he was 18 and fled. He thought that if I was on the computer, I would do the same and was very jealous. I smoke cigarettes, and he didn't like it. I was always extremely close with my Granny, and had quit smoking, but family members called and said their was nothing they could do for her and my Dad told me to get me a cigarette to calm down. At that time, the guy walked in and was pissed because I had a cigarette and left. We tried getting back together about a month later but things didn't work out.
In my mind at that time, their was no other way but him. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man and thought that if I couldn't have him, I didn't deserve anything else.I thought he was treating me the way he did because he loved me, not because he had control issues. I didn't know any different. Once again, my self esteem was down the toliet.
Since he works with my Dad, and my Dad's work is right beside their house, I would see him in passing. Once night, his truck was in the joint driveway and that sent me into a panic. I thought I was having a heart attack but I went to the ER and it was panic attack. Later, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with panic disorder.
Now years later, I am happily married to a man that loves me and showed me what true love really is. Trust, loving someone no matter what, seeing things in you you may not see yourself. Even though at first I was that easy to love. I was on the wrong medication and it made me depressed rather than helping and I would throw myself pity parties. Until I saw how other people have it hard, and have way less than I do, and just gaining life experience, the right medication, and Jesus Christ, was I finally able to realize that I am worth love and being happy. I finally love my life and myself. Even though I have gained weight since I had what I would consider to be a "perfect body" at 17, I love myself more now and more and more every day. So just remember that you are worthy of happiness and love and self worth. It will get better. If you are struggling with anything I recommend seeing your doctor and getting refered to a psychiatrist or counselor so you can work things out and get on the right medication if you need it.
Here is the video--
Brittany
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